Autumnal joy and tears

In some ways I am already in Spring, because I am making new beds, preparing ground to plant stuff in next year. I realize the luxury of having soil to work with, and knowing that I will be working with this soil again next year. For life and for soil I am grateful most every day. And Autumn and I are good friends: Autumn puts shiny conkers in my pockets, lets me bite into crisp apples, sees me pile fallen leaves.
In a lot of ways I am squarely or roundly in the moment, able to really be with myself, more than I have ever managed before. I am inventing my life, moulding my plans, working with the differing pace of day following night following day, the dreams, the reflections. For the first time perhaps I almost always manage to feel, ah, this is what I am at today, and holding a few threads in my hands wonder which I will be pulling when I awake the next day.
Outside of shedding tears, sending out some of my love, keeping my symbolic fingers crossed, I still do not know what to do for the people who are leaving their homeplace, more and more every single day, risking everything in the name of life and hope. And those who do not make it (for them I believe in reincarnation).  I too emigrated to be able to unfold my wings, but it was a choice, unlike a lot of my ancestors who, like the people I see rescued from hazardous embarcations, felt they had to flee. It is me. It is us. I am on some North-Western edge, often ashamed for what others do or fail to do and it’s not much use—but I see a lot of people who remember that we are all humans together and that too brings tears to my eyes.


  1. Your words fill my heart this evening. There is such grace acknowledging the round and the square of things. A grace that strengthens the thinning threads. Filaments of light others who may not make it, may follow to find their own peace. There is all ways work to do. And it is good to enjoy ones work! xxoo

    • Thank you for the visit, and for your lovely and kind words. I have not walked the soft little path to your (round and square) patch of earth for a couple of weeks, but I am looking forward to bringing myself there in the next few days and take the time to sit long, read and be inspired by your wild and free spirit.

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